His Mouldiness, Pope Benedict Arnold is quitting being Pope. When asked why he was going to be the first Pope to step down in almost six hundred years, he replied saying he “couldn’t be fucked with it anymore” and that he was hanging for the ride.
He’s pictured here with a naggin and the Papal Meanies, which he uses to taunt the poor and the starving.
Well known throughout his life as an unstoppable bastard and a notorious alcoholic, he worked his way up through the Hitler Youth and then the Nazi Party to become their Minister for Racism. When that went tits up in 1945, he moved onto religion. From there he promoted abstinence and praying and shit like that, but all the while he was injecting heroin into himself and others, most notably John Paul II, who died of an overdose in 2005, leaving the door open for Benedict to become Pope and de facto overlord of Ireland et al.
Nobody’s quite sure what he’s sort of evil he’s going to move onto next, although rumours abound that he’s working on a spell to bring Hitler back to life. He’s also being linked to a sweatshop condom factory somewhere in Asia, which critics say is a conflict of interest, at the very least.